The warmth and simplicity that comes with a baby

If you haven’t noticed by my infrequent posts, I have been struggling for some time trying to find the most honest voice for what I wish to accomplish for this blog and how to go about expressing it. I feel a fraud if I come across as an intellectual or expert because it doesn’t fit with the way I interact and dwell in the childhood realm and yet feel to be credible, credentials or labels give clout to words. Is this not truth? A mommy blog or Instagram post serves great supportive purposes, but just isn’t right for this either. This is way too important.

This blog is about SPIRIT. (Not pushing a specific religion) It is about spirit, mind, and body, but it links spirit with the other two for thriving, psychology and creating and building relational health. Over the past 5+ months I have had a unique experience that I considered quite rare closely interacting with two twin babies from their very first days until now. While with them I uncovered pieces of myself that had been buried a long time and were so authentically me, it is difficult to put words to. It made me realize how much infants come so dominant in spirit and how content and at ease I am in that space. It is Home to me.

It is not easy living with a person like me. I look like an adult but I don’t feel like one inside. I do not dwell in the same realm or tune in to the same “channel” as normal grown people.  I live in a sort of in-between space closely linked into the childhood frequency where I understand them quite intuitively and sensitively. Officially I am called an innocent, coined by a psychologist I know. That term fits me quite comfortably. You see, children are innocent but scrupulous and pure. They either like you or they don’t like you, and they don’t mess around with proper etiquette to fake it. So, if you are a rare human being that gets chosen by infants or children to not only visit their world, but dwell in their space, it is quite a privilege as an understatement. This is sacred ground. This is where I authentically live. I am welcomed there and often get frequently carried in.

It is conflicting for me and for those around me. I am quiet and gently mannered, but there is a lion inside me that becomes fierce when little children’s spirits are trifled with. Because of the spiritual sensitivity I carry, I feel responsible for children everywhere. It is a blessing and a curse. I feel a great interior force of ferocious passion to protect children. Often it is difficult for adults to understand what I am trying to show or express especially when they are simply trying to survive with complete exhaustion. Because what I am showing comes from a spiritual vantage point. The kind that the child dwells naturally in but most adults don’t have time for, don’t remember, or never was nourished within themselves as children.

The lion inside is nudging me to write and share about this. I am afraid to. Spirit and childhood is holy, precious and natural. The gift bestowed on me by God as a guardian for childhood is sacred to me. I worry it will be attacked and made fun of by people who feel smarter and believe they know better intellectually. Talking about children is a challenge. There are millions of experts.

I wish to walk on a gentle journey that once was your own. This is not new. You may have grown out of it and cannot remember. The spirit of the child is fragile; and yet includes a power and wisdom that is beyond our comprehension.

They are simple beings and yet complex.

They are special in a world that craves something special. And here they are.  We see them most every day.

And yet our goal is to drive childhood right out of them. To move them past and on to grown-up land where WE think life is better. So, this is why I write. We live amongst precious gems that teach us as we grow closer to them. When you allow yourself to go “innocent” a spirituality inside you awakens feeling familiar and warm. It often frightens adults who need to stay in control. We have the privilege to associate with humans who still have one foot in heaven for a fleeting piece of time. The time is called childhood. This is my passion. It is my life’s joy. I hope you will want to wonder more…

A delicious story

Let the children share in it…

Good Mammas

“Remember that “women learn to become good mothers by trial and error, by struggling through the daily demands of caring for their babies, by doing some things right, and by making some mistakes” (Kleiman and Raskin, 1994, pp. 239). Be prepared to make honest human mistakes. Be prepared to adjust your expectations. Modify your unobtainable standards. Resist the urge to compare yourself to others. Surround yourself with people who love you and anchor your anxieties with the knowledge that you are good and you are strong. You are enough” (Kleiman, 2019).

Kleiman, K. (2019). Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts. Reedley, CA: Familius.

I smell summertime ‘a comin’

No barefooted

tree climbing, frog holding,

mud pie baking, cloud spotting,

puddle stomping, bird calling,

wild foraging, moon gazing, firefly chasing, fort building,

creek following, rock hunting

moment with Mother Nature is ever wasted.

-Nicolette Sowder

The Very First and Most Important Parental Lesson

Lisa Miller, Ph.D.

…children are born fully fluent in this primal, nonverbal dimension of knowing. They need time to develop the wraparound of cognitive, linguistic, and abstract thinking, but young children don’t have to learn the “how’ or the “what” of spiritual engagement. Bird and flower, puddle and breeze, snowflake or garden slug: all of nature speaks to them and they respond. A smile, a loving touch, the indescribable bond between child and parent … all of these speak deeply to them, too. Spirituality is the language of these moments, the transcendent experience of nourishing connection. Spirituality is our child’s birthright.2

I was blessed to study with Dr. Lisa Miller in her work at Columbia University. This is from her book, The Spiritual Child.

I highly recommend it; particularly with teen-childhood…

#1 Spirituality is our child’s birthright.

Photo by Kat Smith on Pexels.com

Family Power

Photo by daniyal ghanavati on Pexels.com

For over three years with this particular blog, I have been feeling much like Mary Poppins popping in and out with nanny jobs, ceiling tea parties, chalk paintings, and chimney sweep roof dancing posting similarly fragmented and cryptic bits of wisdom, having some fun in-between but trying to make a dent in the vast deluge of ACE’s (adverse childhood experiences), developmental stages, sage parental advice, playful interactions but not wanting Mr. and Mrs. Banks to chalk these posts up for yet another silly escapade with absolute no worth. (Especially when there are billions of parental advice wind storms all over the world)

In these three years I have shifted from a solid child advocate symbolic of Mary Poppins, to gaining an army of research and backing support to show that the character, Mary, was actually doing critical work for human beings to flourish spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally including the underlying symbolic meaning of the song, “A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down…”

In the past three years I am now a Columbia University graduate in clinical psychology, and currently in a post graduate fellowship at U-Mass medical school to become an expert in infant mental health. My studies have included child developmental psychology and psychopathology, women’s health including the perinatal time frame, the mother/child matrix, spirit mind body and social emotional learning, positive psychology, trauma research and soon will include in this big bag of tricks, a clinical mental health degree with an emphasis on expressive arts. I have been led by God in my long-time quest to advocate for children, also with a past masters in early childhood/childhood education and a bachelors in art education. This is not bragging but a very serious quest to stand for children and their childhood and I don’t wish for this blog to be a chalk drawing of animated ideas but real live researched realizations about how to help children experience the one thing they can never get back; a childhood which helps them grow to be the very best they can be. I want to drop in with diverse colors of wisdom with attachment, respect, and reverence as the core with their parents as the most important contributor for their success. Of course this may seem a a fantasy, much like the Disney movie Mary Poppins, because life in actuality hurts, is very messy, and far from perfect. She knew this too. But parents don’t know what’s going on in the current or even past research in psychology talking about them and backing and supporting this ominous job of parenting children. There is much chatter and amazing things coming to fruition for good. That is the key; good for the children!

I hope you come along for the ride in further posts in hopes your child/children can feel as safe and secure as they possibly can by the love only Mr. and Mrs. Banks can give; it is a deep and significant bond that has power you will never believe possible. Do you know why Mary Poppins left at the end of the movie? Because she changed the focus to the family as the most critical buffering force for childhood. That is what this blog is all about.

Fun way to teach the Easter story with plastic eggs

https://www.ldsliving.com/a-fun-and-simple-easter-egg-tradition-that-will-get-your-kids-excited-about-the-saviors-life/s/87972

SO SO FUN!

The next few days, I get the privilege to be trained in Newborn Behaviors enhancing early relationships with the Mr. Rogers PhD of Newborns and he and his field highly respected; the late Dr. T. Berry Brazelton and the Brazelton Institute in MA. In other words it is at the very embryo of a brand new family and meeting each other for the first time. Much like getting a new boy/girl friend and learning about who they are and how you connect; except teenier and you can’t break up. And for me, family relationships are the very core to our existence and JOY. I can’t wait.

If you are struggling as a parent right now, and feel overwhelmed, discouraged, and weary to the bone don’t give up. Don’t berate yourself. Think back at that first moment you held that new baby you may be struggling with, and remember that that person is more important in this world than any THING or any ACTION that is distracting the love you have for them. If you believe in a higher power, ask for help. If you don’t, ask for help from someone close. Parents need support. This job is not for the weak, but it is also not supposed to be accomplished alone. Don’t give up. If anything, I see you.

Good takes work; connecting the dots

Good kids take time and effort and need good parents who try their best to show them what is “good.”

Children of all ages need their parents’ wisdom merely because they don’t have the brain/logic capacity, YET, to connect really large dots; no matter how smart and mature they may seem. In my last post I shared a story. It was a nice story about two parents trying to share a good thing with their boys, taking them to honor Martin Luther King and was pretty great. Yet, it was not the end of learning. Seeking affirmation from their parents was a good thing, but there was more to it. Assuming children link value lessons together, as the grown brain can, is missing a critical part of childhood and missing a crucial part of the gift of parenting. The next step may be the most necessary component of learning because you, as their parent are the exact one needed for your child to teach them what has value to you. The world cannot do that for you. The next step is the WHY step and it can be done as diverse as each parent are in personality. Using the last post, it is the ‘after’ when you share together what your kids thought validating their voice and then explain why this was important to you. A little pre-work can also be a part of it, too. Interactions with your child is the valuable key! For a child to learn your family values and feel secure and safe, are parents who understand things they don’t, yet, but help them understand in their time and in their way. Conversation about why “our” family does things, or why traditions or manners are important is widely studied in developmental sciences with parents as “buffers” and supports and result in less fearful children. The conversations may not always turn out perfect, but the value is having them, often. We are social creatures. Our children do not understand much of the world, yet. Knowing why from good parents who are trying, give them confidence in establishing autonomy because they are led by adults who care about them and care about the world.

Photo by Kindel Media on Pexels.com

Goodness takes work

Parenting is not for the faint of heart and I applaud parents who are trying their best to create “good” kids, because it takes much work. I applaud two today and I told them so.

Our interfaith counsel gathered our town to honor the late Dr. Martin Luther King at the local Methodist church. Many people attended the celebration and sitting in the pew in front of me was a father, mother and their three young sons. There were lots of adults in the crowd but only a handful of children. This meeting was obviously something important to these two parents and they wanted their three sons to be included in it. The boys would not have done this on their own. When an all men’s choir opened the doors in the back and walked in singing and clapping the three boys were riveted, and they kept looking to their parents for nods of approval. All throughout the meeting with different faiths adding their parts, the boys watched and kept returning the looks to their parents for the nod, or engagement, or how they were reacting so they would know how to react, too.

Goodness takes work. If we want our children to be compassionate people then we need to show them how to be so. There is a song we often sing at church that includes the lyrics from a child’s view point, “…lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way…”

Dr. Anthony Gilmore a reverend from Missouri shared the message about “What if…” At the end he referred to the children of the world and their parents and what if those leaders would lead them to forgiveness, to goodness, to light, and to compassion, just how the world would be different today…

Good kids take time and effort and need good parents who try their best to show them how…

Randall, N.W., Pettit, M, T. (1957). I am a Child of God. Salt Lake City, UT: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.